I Hate Seagulls

Why do I hate seagulls? Well, I hate them with good reason. Around 20 years ago I was on holiday with my family in Jersey. It was a lovely sunny day on one of the magnificent beaches and we were excited about a midday solar eclipse of the sun. I had just purchased some food for the family and was about to tuck into a hot Cornish pasty when I felt a blow to the back of my head. At first, I thought I had been hit with a football and I was quite prepared to admonish the offender and warn them to be more careful.

However, when I turned around to confront the reckless footballer, there was no offender in sight. The offender was a bloody massive seagull that had collided with my head whilst dive bombing my Cornish pasty. As I watched it greedily holding the larger part of my Cornish pasty it seemed to struggle with the weight of its ill-gotten gains and I wished with all my heart that it would drop the hot pasty. I wouldn’t have attempted to recover the stolen food, but I wanted the seagull to be deprived of it.

I don’t know which hurt more, the bang to the back of my head or the loss of my Cornish pasty. Of course, I immediately went into a grumpy mode, much to the hilarity of my family and that really did hurt.

Seagulls are a bloody nuisance and every time some unthinking holidaymaker feeds them chips they are only encouraging them. Seagulls will attack children or adults with food so please don’t encourage the flying rats.