Dyslexia almost prevented me from joining the police and being dyslexic influenced every major decision I have ever made, including many police related decisions. Getting lost on foot patrol, being unable to call for assistance because I didn’t know where I was and even getting lost within New Scotland Yard are all recounted in a series of short stories. The reference to ‘Low Fat Police’ relates to the first time I noticed a cultural change in the attitudes of serving police officers when during the mid to late 1980’s officers began to become health conscious. Gone were the full fatty English breakfasts to be replaced by low-fat yoghurts, muesli and trips to the gym rather than the pub. The compulsory bottle of scotch in the detectives bottom draw was being replaced by mineral water and diet supplements. There were to be several more cultural changes during my service and this recollection of disjointed memories recalls events and incidents, some amusing and some not of my service within the Metropolitan Police between 1980 and 2008.